OK, not really.  But, something like this is actually in the works: “Sources” say that Usain Bolt (fastest guy alive, adoptive parent of adorable cheetah named Lightning Bolt) might race Chris Johnson, of the Tennessee Titans (buyer of cars for his entire O-Line after his 2,000 yard rush season concluded yesterday.)
Our money is on Bolt, [...]

In the time it takes you to read this sentence, Usain Bolt will have run 100 meters.  He set a brand new record at the Olympics last year in this race…and then yesterday he shattered it by .11 seconds–an unheard of quantity of time in a race where things are measured in hundredths and even [...]